Sad Baby Meets a Tooth

Dear Diary,

It seems that last week's petrifying pediatric punishment was just a warmup for the big show. As you know, my head is increasingly infested by odd creatures- the hair colony, the lobed rubbery growth to either side, and the nose thing (which is currently inhabited by a large slimy ogre that steals my oxygen).  Those pests are child's play compared to this new invader. Let me backtrack. I had been plagued by constant drooling since the visit to Doctor's compound. I thought the tongue thing was to blame and had made an effort to starve it- refusing all breasts and bottles until it would stop secreting fluid.  I gave in and fed the thing when I mistakenly thought it bit me.  It turns out that the tongue thing is controlled by my thoughts, and if I bite it- I feel the pain; a strange twist in the host relationship, but I digress. The authorities are referring to this new scourge as Teeth.  If you are lucky enough to have escaped such anguish, let me describe it.  I think that the seed of this monster has lied dormant in the soft tissue of my mouth, perhaps since before my unfortunate incarceration. Now that it has been awakened it has not so much revealed itself, so much as it has loudly and cruelly announced it's presence. The repugnant raider is seemingly drilling its way through my head with no remorse for the damage and pain caused.

The physical suffering pales though in comparison to the Authorities' relentless pursuit to compound my predicament with mental anguish. They have sworn to me that more Teeth will soon follow; That my mouth will eventually be filled with them. And worst of all, once the ghastly colony reaches terminal capacity, they will each achingly fall out and the dreadful process will begin anew. The Authorities have also threatened to brush the Teeth, as they do the hair colony.  I don't see how they will force the brush past my lips, but I shudder to consider what dreadful methods they may impose.

-Sad Baby