Sad Baby Poisoned

Dear Diary,

Not satisfied with the results of their external tortures, the authorities have resorted to torturing me from the inside out. I have been poisoned.  The authority called Mom seems to be leading the charge. Early last week, she maliciously ate cheese and sour cream.  Had I known, I would have demanded formula.  Dairy stops me up like a size 3 pacifier in a newborn's mouth. Just when I thought she was honestly remorseful ( and that it wasn't another diabolical mind-game)- she reversed her tactics.  She claims that the Authority called Daddy is the responsible party since he planned the dinner. Whichever of those devils is responsible- they must have known how effectively fish oil would transfer to my milk.  My only solace in this most recent atrocity is in knowing that I turned the tables on them- left them speechless and scrambling.  The authorities may confuse me, and confound my body to it's core, but I will not quietly suffer the indignity of sitting in my overly dirty diaper.  I will kick, scream and fling poo.  The authorities got more than they bargained for as I not only soiled the diaper, but also my onesie, my blanket, the car seat, the changing mat, mom's shirt, dad's seat, and, regrettably, my left sock (I had already disposed of the right sock).  If they thought the humiliation of riding home naked would cure my disquiet then they were wrong- It only steels my commitment to resist.

This week's Priorities:
Maintain strength- keep fighting.

Develop a strategy to eliminate the parasites (more on that in my next entry)



One last note.  I very much enjoyed answering JS's questions about bottle feeding, however, our sad lawyers think we should remind you that Sad Baby is merely 6 weeks old and is not in any way qualified, verified, or otherwise empirically knowledgeable of any subject beyond human cruelty.  Answers to your questions, and advice from sad baby is strictly for entertainment purposes and by submitting your question you thereby exempt Sad Baby from blame, indemnification, or scrutiny resulting from responses to your inquiry.  Hasn't she been through enough?